I am questioning whether I am really polyamorous. My gut tells me that I used polyamory to legitimise having an affair outside my marriage to Hera.
I don’t know exactly whether this is the real reason I called myself polyamorous. This is the most valid reason I have come up with so far.
Hera and I met early in our lives, we were both teenagers at the time. Whether we were looking for something long term or not, I do not recall. But Hera is my first relationship.
We were monogamous, and did not even consider polyamory. We were two teenagers in love and thought the world would end if we were not together. We did not think about the experiences & exploring we would miss out on by committing to each other.
A recent history?
As we got together at a young age, and been in a long-term, monogamous relationship, and now the parents of two young children, I think we missed out on exploring additional relationship experiences. So five years ago Hera and I reached out and found a couple to explore with.
That was how we met Aphrodite and her husband. As we explored, things felt right, but soon I discovered and grew feelings for Aphrodite.
Where to now?
Aphrodite and I have had somewhat of a falling out. I am questioning my polyamorous status. Now I wonder if I used polyamory to have an affair.
For now, I’m not sure I will date anyone again and call myself polyamorous. I think it is time to swear off the poly dating scene, put the “legitimate” affair behind me, and look to the future.